Today I want to talk about magic underwear.
No, I don’t mean a g-string. Comfort before fashion. Only granny panties on this fat ass!
I’m talking about these beauties…
Hot aren’t they?
C’mon, you all know you would love a piece of that ass.
Those, my friends, are mormon garments. Photo courtesy of The Mormon Curtain.
They are obviously not meant to be attractive. Members of the LDS church receive them as part of their temple endowment ceremony. They are supposed to serve several purposes.
They are supposed to be a reminder to the faithful of their covenant with god.
They are supposed to keep the wearer modest. Shorts can’t be shorter than the legs of the garments, and shirts should cover them. I have seen many a young, newly wed LDS woman wearing hip hugger jeans and baby doll t-shirts. She moves even a little and there are the garments.
They are supposed to offer protection. Growing up I remember hearing stories of how peoples lives were saved because of the garments. So, to all of those members who die tragically while wearing the garments, well, they can just fuck off, they didn’t qualify for the “protection”.
I know a lot of members now say though, that they only provide protection against the “temptations of satan” not actual physical harm. That is probably because people died while wearing the garments.
The garments are available in several different fabrics, usually cotton or cotton blend. They are mostly white with a few exceptions for military clothes. They are the bottom most layer of clothing, which means that women must wear their bras over them. They must be worn at all times, except to shower and during sex. However, I have known some LDS couples who think they need to be worn during sex, especially if they are trying to get pregnant.
The garments contain several symbols stitched into the fabric. They have the compass and square. This would look like small zigzag stitching to form a “V” on the left breast and a “L” on the right breast of the garment. There is also a small stitched line at the bellybutton and the right knee.
That visual seriously makes me horny… you?
They also serve a few purposes not easily found on LDS church friendly websites.
They serve as a detectable knowledge base to those in the know. What I mean by that is that if you know what you are looking for, you can usually spot the lines on a member. Why is that relevant? I have known people who have conducted interviews for jobs and based a lot of their decision making on the visuals. The lines allow members to identify other members without having to ask them outright.
As is the case about most religious strangeness they are about control.
However, in my opinion, the most important part of the requirement of the church to make their members wear the garments is simple, money.
Only the LDS church can manufacture the garments. Only the LDS church can sell the garments. The members have to buy them from the church.
Nice racket huh?
We will require that members wear these, to be worthy of heaven. We will make them. You will then buy them from us. EXCELLENT IDEA!
And that’s on top of the required 10% they must give monthly in tithes to the church.
I hope you are little bit more versed in the the mysteries of “Jesus Jammies” today. Next time you meet a mormon, look for the panty lines.